Transcript Edit

[The episode starts in the Loud residence. Lincoln and his parents have a talk in the living room.]

Rita: Lincoln, maybe it's time you should spend more time with one of the girls.

Lynn Sr.: They spend time with you and help you. Maybe it's time you do the same.

Lincoln: Look, I know we need to spend time, but, isn't this a little hard?

[Lincoln turns his head to them.]

Lincoln: I know what you're thinking, "I'd say 'fine.'", and you'd be right. But, I don't know which sister to choose.

[He turns his head back to them.]

Lynn Sr.: Come on, son, make up your mind. Maybe you need some time alone.

[The parents leave the room. He goes upstairs and sees the sisters upstairs as well with arms crossed and scowls.]

Luan: We heard.

Lynn: Well, Lincoln, choose.

Lola: Or...

Lana: Are you chicken? [She moos like a cow.]

Lisa: That is a cow. A chicken clucks.

Leni: No! Me!

Lori: Me!

Lucy: Join the goth side, Lincoln.

[All of them argue about who he should choose.]

Lincoln: Alright! Alright! Let me think.

Lisa: Or try it the simple way. Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo.

Lincoln: Alright. [He closes his eyes and points at them.] Eenie, meenie, miney, mo, if he hollers, let him go. Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.

[He opens his eyes and he pointed at Luan.]

Lincoln: Luan?

Luan:You've got a "point". [She laughs, except for her sisters and brother.] Come on, these're the jokes. Doesn't matter. [She hugs her brother.] We're gonna have a good time together.

Lincoln: Yeah.

Luan: Come with me.

[Later, they're in her and Luna's room.]

Luan: Now, what do you wanna do next? Card tricks? Jokes? See my Stuff?

Lincoln: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. How about we do the things I do? Just for today?

Luan: Sure, why not?

[They're now downstairs holding game controllers.]

Luan: How does this thing work?

Lincoln: Well, In this game, you press this button to jump, this one to punch or kick, this one to duck and this one to swap characters when you're not two players.

Luan: If I wasn't two players, I... Uh...

[It cuts to a black background and orange text that say, "Three minutes later..." Then, cuts back to Lincoln and Luan.]

Luan: Uhhh... OK, I don't know.

Lincoln: Alright. Again, you press this button, to switch characters, when you're not playing in co-op.

Luan: And these move the character?

Lincoln: Well, this moves the camera.

Luan: Wow.

Lincoln: Ready?

Luan: I guess.

[They begin the game.]

Lincoln: Ready? This is the first level. What you need to do is beat the first boss.

Luan: I bet he's the one who'll get fired. Get it?

Lincoln: Yeah.

[One hour later...]

Luan: I ought to say, that was fun.

Lincoln: Not as of you beating the last boss.

Luan: Yeah. Wanna do something else?

[Lincoln thinks for a second and nods. They're now outside on the roof. Lincoln holds a strainer and Luan holds a gallon of water. Leni walks out the door and smells the breeze. Luan pours the water in the strainer and the strainer pours the water down on Leni.]

Leni: What the...? It can't be. Either I'm going crazy, or it's starting to rain. I'd better get an umbrella.

[She goes back inside. Lincoln and Luan laugh.]

Lincoln: I have to say, that was intense.

Luan: Stay in your tents...

Both: ...'cause it'll be intense.

[Both of them laugh.]

[Now, they're inside watching TV.]

Main Character: You know what they say, Donny. Crime doesn't pay. And crime doesn't rise... to the top!

Luan: Boo. Who writes these cheesy lines?

Lincoln: I don't know. Maybe the director.

Luan: Yeah. You wanna go have some fun?

Lincoln: Yeah.

[They both leave.]

Lynn Sr: See? I told him he needed to spend time with the girls.

Rita: Yep.

[Outside, Lincoln holds a baseball bat and Luan, an egg.]

Luan: Let's see if a hard boiled egg and survive a hit from a baseball bat.

[She throws the egg and Lincoln hits it. The egg didn't survive. Offscreen, Lisa whistles to get their attention.]

Lisa: I need you to drink this for me.

[She holds a cup.]

Luan: I know. We'll split it.

[Luan drinks half of it. Lincoln does the same. The cup's empty.]

Luan: Well, what was it?

[Lisa pinches Luan's skin.]

Luan: Ow! [She turns red.] That rea...! [She shrieks and turns yellow.] What happened to my skin?

Lisa: That drink I gave you was a serum that turns your skin to different colors whenever your emotions trigger. Red is anger, yellow is fear... Also, Luan, your jokes are in bad taste.

Luan: They are? [her skin turns blue.] How could you say that?

Lisa: It's true. As I was saying, blue is sadness...

Lincoln: Ugh! Gross. [He turns green after stepping on chewed gum.] Who chewed this gum?

Lana: [offscreen] I did.

Lisa: Green is disgust and...

[She pauses. Lincoln and Luan turn orange.]

Both: Well?

Lisa: is confusion. Don't worry. It'll wear off in... three, two, one...

[They're both back to normal.]

Both: Good.

Luan: Why didn't you do it on Leni?

Lisa: She refused to help me after all my other tests on her.

Leni: And I did.

[Leni slips out of the window and falls on her back.]

All: Leni!

[They all run to her.]

Lisa: Are you hurt?

Leni: Yeah! What do you think?

Lisa: Try this. [She gives her a pill.]

[Leni swallows it. She opens her eyes wide. She gets up.]

Leni: Please tell me...?

Lisa: Yep.

Leni: And what you gave me...?

Lisa: Oh, yes.

[Leni walks back inside.]

Lisa: Good day, you both.

[She leaves as well.]

[Both of them stare at each other.]

[At night, Both of them brush their teeth in the bathroom.]

Lincoln: Today was the best day of my life.

Luan: Mine too.

[They spit and smile. They walk out.]

Luna: Hey, Luan, ready for some sleep, sis?

Luan: Yeah. But, I'm gonna sleep with Lincoln.

Luna: But, we share a room.

Luan: It's not like I'll be gone. I'm just gonna sleep with Lincoln. Oh! [She enters her room and gets her camera.] Forgot my camera.

[Luna frowns and enters her room and closes the door.]

[Luan aims the camera to the bed and turns it on.]

Lincoln: Well, good night.

Luan: Good night. All day and night. [She yawns.]

[They both get in bed and sleep. Luna gets in her bunk-bed. She looks down to the bottom bunk seeing it with no one in it. Luna feels sad and falls asleep.]

[The next day, Lincoln and Luan are still in bed sleeping. The alarm goes off on 7:00 a.m. and they both wake up.]

Both: Good morning. Jinx!

[In the car...]

Lincoln: Why did the otter get a cab?

Luan: 'Cause his ottermobile broke down.

[Both of them laugh. Their sisters don't. A cricket chirps in the background. Now, at school, Lincoln and Luan walk in the hallway. A tall kid slaps Lincoln's backback out of his hand. He picks it up.]

Punk: Hey, little man. Want this back?

Lincoln: Hey, stop!

[He reaches for his backpack, but, the punk kid puts it higher.]

Punk: C'mon, Gramps. Quit your complaining. Or, you'll get a heart attack.

Luan: Hey! Sniff my flower.

[He puts the backpack down and looks at her flower. It sprays his face.]

Punk: Ow! Bleach! Why would you do that?

[She punches his face and tackles him to the ground. She slaps him several times.]

Principal: What's going on here?

[He sees Luan slapping the punk, while he's pinned to the ground.]

Principal: Luan Loud!

[She stops and turns her head to the principal.]

Luan: He started it.

[Back at the Loud residence...]

Lynn Sr: What in the Loud family's name is wrong with you? We thought you were a jokester, not a troublemaker.

Luan: Sorry, Daddy. But...

Rita: No buts, Luan! Straight to your room, now! You're grounded for the rest of the day!

Luan: I'd rather go in Lincoln's room, instead.

[She goes upstairs and goes in Lincoln's room. She then slams his door.]

Lincoln: Hey, sorry you got grounded.

Luan: It's OK. But, I had to. That jerk was making a butt outta himself. If he gets you again, I'm gonna...

[Luna enters and plays her electric guitar to censor Luan.]

Luan: What do you think of that?

Lincoln: It's cool. He's switching schools because of the little incident. He confessed to the principal.

Luan: Oh, OK.

Luna: Well, that dude deserved it. So, how was sleeping with Lincoln?

Luan: Why would you wanna know?

Luna: Because, I was wondering if you're coming back to Bunkbed, US. Population, Luna.

Luan: Sorry, but, I think Lincoln's a bit cool. So, I'm moving in here.

[Luna's jaw drops, as well as one of the strings snapping off her guitar. Later Lincoln and Luan bring Luan's stuff in Lincoln's bedroom.]

Luna: But, I'm the one you tell your jokes to.

Luan: Not anymore. I tell my jokes to this guy now.

[Luna has a tear coming out of her right eyelid.]

Luna [crying]: Fine! If that's what you want! One day!

[She wipes her tears and runs to her room and slams her door.]

[Lincoln and Luan feel guilty for Luna.]

Lincoln: I think you should talk to her.

Luan: No, you should. I'm grounded.

Lincoln: Sure.

[Lincoln enters Luna's room and sits on her lap.]

Luna [sobbing]: Hey, little bro.

Lincoln: Listen, Luna. The reason that she and I have been hanging out is because, mom and dad wanted me to spend more time with one of you guys. You did things with me. So, I'm doing the same.

Luna [tears fade]: Oh, I get it now. I didn't hear, because I had headphones on me. 'Cause I was listening to my sweet beats.

Lincoln: Yeah. I didn't notice.

Luna: Yeah, bro. Now, close your eyes. I have a surprise.

[He does so. Luna makes a fist. She holds it up in the air. Lisa sees in the room.]

Lisa: Lincoln, duck!

[He ducks and Luna misses and hits her bedpole.]

Luna: Ow! Son of...

[He opens his eyes and sees she has a fist in her hand.]

Lincoln: Keep away from me!

[Lincoln runs and dodges Lisa.]

Luna: Why you little...! Aaah!

[Lincoln runs down the stairs. Luna runs down the stairs too. But, jumps off them and lands on her brother. She grabs him and strangles him.]

Luna: I'm gonna turn you into a human guitar! I'll take your head and pull it off! I'll...!

Lynn Sr: What was that?!

[She turns her head and sees her parents with the dad with his arms crossed and the mom tapping her foot on the floor.]

Luna: Mom, Dad, this isn't what it looks like.

Rita: Then, why did we see Lincoln running down the stairs and then see you jump on him and strangle him?

Luna: OK, I guess this is what it looks like.

[Lincoln gets his neck free from Luna's arms.]

Lincoln [coughs]: It was because I told her about when you told me to spend more time with my sisters, then she tried to punch me in the face, but, Lisa told me to duck and I ran and then this happened like, a minute ago.

Lynn Sr: Well, speak of the devil. Luna, we're sending you to your room... with no dinner! Ever!

Luna: No dinner? You're crazy!

Rita: We wouldn't starve you. But, we will take away your music privileges... for the rest of the day.

Luna [in a British accent]: Bloody ill! [She speaks in her normal voice.] Why? Why do you have to do this?!

Lynn Sr: Because, we love you.

[Later, Luan sits on Lincoln's bed. Her brother comes back in his room.]

Luan: I heard you from in the hallway and downstairs. And that Luna got grounded.

Lincoln: She even strangled me. It was painful.

Luan: At least, you have me to protect you.

[Luna walks slowly up the stairs and see her sisters with crossed arms.]

Lynn: First the punk, now you.

Lucy: I'm gonna say this one time. I no longer have a sister.

[Lily hides from Luna, then whimpers.]

Lola and Lana: We never wanna speak to you again.

Leni: What did you do?

Lori: So bad, we hate you!

Lisa: You need discipline and lots of it.

Luna: You're all gonna forget this ever happened. Someday you will.

Lisa: Nope. I never forget anything.

[Luna grumbles and slams her door as she gets inside.]

Lynn Sr: If you slam that door again, you'll get three days of being grounded!

[Luna puts her pajamas on and gets in her bed. She feels guilty for what happened. She growls and grabs a pillow. She inhales but a voice stops her.]

Luan [offscreen]: Luna?

[She sees the pillow and screams. She sees Luan's face on the pillow.]

Luan: Why did you have to do that to Lincoln?

Luna: What? Don't you have jokes to tell?

Luan: Yeah. Linc.

Luna: Linc who?

Luan: Lincoln got strangled from you!

Luna: Sorry, I don't know what came over me.

[Later in court, All the Loud sisters are in court and Luan's the prosecutor and Lincoln wears a neckbrace.]

[She sees it's nighttime. She sees her alarm clock and it says, 10:57 p.m.]

[Luna peeks in Lincoln's room, seeing Lincoln and Luan sleeping. She puts a note on his door and leaves. She gets back in bed.]

Luna: By the time you read this, I'm sorry for what I did to Lincoln. Luan, you were your pillow and a prosecutor. Lincoln, you were the witness. All of you were there. I never knew one day I'd hurt someone that much. Especially you, Linc. I hope you're reading this letter and...

Lincoln: ...I hope you forgive me. Luna.

Luan: Maybe we should stop spending time together and make things right.

[Luna holds a photo of her and Luan. She hears a knock and sees Luan holds a box of her stuff.]

Luan: Did someone order a sister?

Luna [pause]: Heck, yeah.

[She gets up and hugs Luan.]

Luan: OK, I can't breathe. I'm serious.

Luna: Sorry. [She stops.] It's good to have you back.

Luan: Yeah. So is my back.

[Luna chuckles for a bit.]

Luna: Let's get you unpacked.

[Lincoln peeks and sports a smile. He turns his head to us.]

Lincoln: Well, all's well that ends well. Luna's reunited with Luan. And for me, I'm fine with it. But...

[The other sisters scowl at him.]

Lincoln: Ugh. Alright.

[The episode ends with the screen cutting to black]